Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

 

A song for the neutral by ~AmunDei:iconAmunDei:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Spoken Word


A song for the neutral


The crickets are no more,
the light, undressing the blue moon,
all but the simple stare is gone,
the gaze to what is beautiful.

The windows are no more,
the light, just passing through my house,
all hiding my sick mind from me,
from the great man I used to be.

It's been so long since we last played
where trains don't move, but sleep on beds,
so please check out my newest song,
be sure to sing it when I'm dead.

But I do warn you that it may
just change on every note you play,
it might just take you to my world,
unless you play it day by day...
©2009 ~AmunDei
:iconamundei:

Author's Comments

All is synthetic and anesthetized, including us, the world...

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconmoonangellove:
~moonangellove Jul 17, 2009, 1:14:26 AM
Hello, dear AmunDei - iar ţi-am uitat numele. Senilitatea asta :cries:.

Bun, îmi place mult poezioara, cu o mică problemă:
But I do warn you that it might - ultima strofă.
Ai putea să faci o inversiune poetique şi o mică modificare gen "But do I warn you that it may" ca să sune mai fain.
Părerea mea.
:blowkiss: şi :icontardglompplz:

--
I\'m still waiting for you...
#AngstyWriters ~REVISTAngsty ~ROLiterature ~Iasi #RomanianPhotographer ~Bukovina
my blog
:iconamundei:
~AmunDei Jul 19, 2009, 2:50:49 AM
Used half of it. Inversiunea nu-mi place aici.

Mersi ;)

--
Times come and go...ages flash by and melt into the abyss...life dies...beauty fades...suns extinguish...Nothing is forever. Gods and mortals alike twist and turn in a futile attempt to escape their own extinction...
:iconmoonangellove:
~moonangellove Jul 19, 2009, 3:48:55 AM
you are welcome. :giggle:
p.s. trimite ceva la revista angsty. :bored:

--
I\'m still waiting for you...
#AngstyWriters ~REVISTAngsty ~ROLiterature ~Iasi #RomanianPhotographer ~Bukovina
my blog
:iconamundei:
~AmunDei Jul 19, 2009, 4:00:47 PM
I already have an idea. Deci cand se va transforma in text, iti trimit.

--
Times come and go...ages flash by and melt into the abyss...life dies...beauty fades...suns extinguish...Nothing is forever. Gods and mortals alike twist and turn in a futile attempt to escape their own extinction...
:iconmoonangellove:
~moonangellove Jul 19, 2009, 11:56:45 PM
ok, Amun. You are the chosen one. :giggle:

--
I\'m still waiting for you...
#AngstyWriters ~REVISTAngsty ~ROLiterature ~Iasi #RomanianPhotographer ~Bukovina
my blog
:iconchugglepuff:
*chugglepuff Jul 29, 2009, 4:36:36 AM
Some wonderful lines here, really beautiful. And I liked the little bits of rhyme you used. My only query would be around "check out" - it felt a bit out of place with the rest of it, too informal. :shrug: I especially love the first two stanzas - I just ADORE "The crickets are no more,/ the light, undressing the blue moon" - what superb images, and it has a lovely, natural-sounding rhythm to it as well. Well done! :)

--
A stitch in time mucks up the space-time continuum.

Clicking this link will give you superpowers*.

*May just be a very sneaky way to make you look at my page. But probably not.
:iconamundei:
~AmunDei Jul 29, 2009, 2:00:16 PM
Thank you. I plan to fiddle around with this sometime in the near future, so I think suggestions will be considered ;)

--
Times come and go...ages flash by and melt into the abyss...life dies...beauty fades...suns extinguish...Nothing is forever. Gods and mortals alike twist and turn in a futile attempt to escape their own extinction...
Previous PageNext Page

Details

July 15
809 bytes

Statistics

7
5 [who?]
37 (0 today)
2 (0 today)

Site Map

©2009 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Services Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy