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From within by ~AmunDei:iconAmunDei:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Spiritual > Spoken Word




From within

I choked from the lies, still didn't let go
I wanted you close, you pushed me away
I asked for your comfort, instead I got pain
I wept all my tears, to find my life dry

Then you changed your mind, and wanted me back
You followed me close, intrude in my ways
You begged for attention, I made you untrue
You got on your knees, made me a promise

You said you would swear, to never again
Act like you did, give me what's true
And so I rejected, and now I'm the one
To treat you like shit, I let go of You...
©2008-2009 ~AmunDei
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Submitted: January 12, 2008
File Size: 719 bytes
Image Size: 24.3 KB
Resolution: 600×504
Comments: 17
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Author's Comments

When I go to bed, I make a prayer...

Inger ingerasul meu, futute-n gura de bou!

*Please comment, I would like to hear your opinion. Ty

"I give permission to =UnderRatedWatch to post the deviation in their gallery"

For "Undead, Darkness and Desire" contest held by :iconartheeria:
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Comments


~twistedsyns:icontwistedsyns: Jan 12, 2008, 1:50:28 PM
I like the picture you choose to go along with this. Great poem. I love how at the end the poem was turned around so that instead of you being rejected, she became rejected. Great Job. :blackrose:

--
That is not dead which can eternal lie, And with strange aeons even death may die.
H.P. Lovecraft
We come from nothing, We go back to nothing so in reality what have we really gained but nothing.
Monty Python
~AmunDei:iconAmunDei: Jan 12, 2008, 1:56:05 PM
Thank you for the comment. But look closely, it's not a "she" I'm refering about :)

--
Times come and go...ages flash by and melt into the abyss...life dies...beauty fades...suns extinguish...Nothing is forever. Gods and mortals alike twist and turn in a futile attempt to escape their own extinction... [link]
~the-darkest-pink:iconthe-darkest-pink: Jan 12, 2008, 2:22:03 PM
tough one. and the connection with the picture makes it even more evil:) it particularly reminds me of someone..
very well written, and nice rythm too.

--
Don't say forever.. "cuz what you thought would always last has passed you by" [nIn] ;)
~AmunDei:iconAmunDei: Jan 12, 2008, 4:06:09 PM
Thanks. I didn't want it to make a riddle, but still....if you figure it out let me know :)

--
Times come and go...ages flash by and melt into the abyss...life dies...beauty fades...suns extinguish...Nothing is forever. Gods and mortals alike twist and turn in a futile attempt to escape their own extinction... [link]
~Melarien:iconMelarien: Jan 13, 2008, 1:23:29 AM
Open for interpretation...who says love can't be a religion?

--
Larmes
~Melarien:iconMelarien: Jan 13, 2008, 1:28:55 AM
The final "You" with capital "Y" makes it a riddle. you haven't used the capital "y" in any other part of the poem, as if wanting to make the poem to complete its meaning only in the very last line.

--
Larmes
~Melarien:iconMelarien: Jan 13, 2008, 1:31:46 AM
Should the line above my message box write "advanced critique encouraged" i would approach the poem quite differently. But as a comment, it's a nice theme you got there...faith can't go along with disappointment, can it?
good one:w00t:

--
Larmes
~AmunDei:iconAmunDei: Jan 13, 2008, 2:48:48 AM
'Twas the first time I noticed those features. :) Now I've activated the option of advanced critique :)

--
Times come and go...ages flash by and melt into the abyss...life dies...beauty fades...suns extinguish...Nothing is forever. Gods and mortals alike twist and turn in a futile attempt to escape their own extinction... [link]
~Lora-I:iconLora-I: Jan 13, 2008, 5:50:44 AM
That is really nice, I enjoyed reading it. :)
Hmm... it's your evil self, perhaps? Or, or.. maybe it is God?
Have I solved the riddle? :giggle: :D
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